This Is Not A Heart

bro:
me: who is this
bro: one of your old bros!
bro: just another nameless face on your sex blog
bro: i find it ironic you’d blame me for giving you some STD, and you have a self-professed “sex blog” with dozens of dudes on it
bro: anyway, have a nice life
me: i got a bacterial infection from having sex with u, could happen to anyone. stop being hungup on me. I rejected u on fbook like 5x times. Get over it! U told everyone i gave u a noncontagious rash, u r a fucking weirdo
(It’s true, he sent me a Wikipedia link to some really gross rash, and he said I gave it to him. The link even said it was ‘noncontagious.’ and I didn’t even have any rash at all to begin with. He thinks bacterial infections are STDs, even after 2 years, when all this stupid shit went down. I’ve never had an STD, srsly, ‘knock on wood.’ I ‘play safe’ and follow ‘traffic rules,’ always.)
bro: i’m certainly not hung up on you, i don’t like you lying, and then making the details pubic. not very classy is it? that’s the point.
bro: it’s impossible that i gave you anything. no other partner has ever had anything like it, including my girlfriend of over a year.
bro: so, the only explanation is that you lied, blamed me, and obviously, i don’t appreciate that…
me: Youre a complete moron
bro: yeah? let’s compare notes here. you have a sex blog, you sleep with just about any dude out there, and then voice it on the entire internet.
bro: and i’m the guy that gave you the infection…
bro: doesn’t quite add up does it
bro: i wouldn’t give a shit if i didn’t hear about it from shannon and rob
me: They don’t like you, they think youre annoying. Thx for the ‘new material’
(They really don’t like him.)
bro: apparently a simple “i’m sorry” is impossible, and all you can do is deny it and call me a moron. very mature of you!
bro: all you’re doing is proving my point, you live a life where this is “new material” and rob does not think i’m annoying, i’ve known him for a decade.
bro: so, it was too difficult for you to have a reasonable discussion about this, despite being old news. that’s sad. i’m sorry for you, parisa…
me: Just dont care, youre annoying
bro: i’m sorry you don’t care, and i’m sorry that you feel so strongly over something that happened so ong ago, i just wish you wouldn’t act so immature. maybe one day you’ll talk to me reasonably about this.. until then.. i’ll stop trying to contact you
(Just don’t care like I don’t care what you ate for dinner last nite, like I don’t care what sports team “won the game,” like I don’t care how you brush your teeth, like I don’t care about the stock market, like I don’t care what’s on sale at the fish market, like I don’t care where Martha Stewart buys her underwear. Just don’t care.)
me: Youre just a story! You dont matter. Jeez. Thx for the new story
bro: you have to reduce all human interactions to fabricated “stories” for the internet? that’s really sad. i’m sorry for you parisa. is all the lying just because you won’t admit a simple mistake?
(Bitch, please.What lie?  What mistake?)
bro: i’m sure you’ll copy/paste from this conversation whatever fits your little made up narrative about me. i don’t pretend that you’ll post the whole thing. i imagine you’ll just lie… again.
(I would never ‘censor’ anything from you, dear readers. this is the ‘whole enchilada.  PS, I totally faked ‘it’. He said he could tell, but I fooled him. I just kinda wanted it to be over without being rude about it.)

so my name is francis and i’ve recently became a fan of your blog. would you like to have a drink soon? xxx.xxx.xxxx

(so we’re going out for a drink. and I am really really really embarrassed, and now he knows, because he reads my blog, apparently.)